We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
