eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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