mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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