:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
