So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize