Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
