This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
