Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
