Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
