That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
