Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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