Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
