I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
