Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
