youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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