Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
