phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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