there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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