I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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