If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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