Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize