My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
