DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have aggressive nipples.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
