the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
