Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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