I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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