Don't you send me to vm
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
