I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
