She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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