it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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