why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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