Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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