brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
