I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
