singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
