Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize