I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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