I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
