Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
