he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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