i just wanna soil my oats bro
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
3pm strippers are depressing
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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