I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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