Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail

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(801): Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail http://tfl.nu/5fc6

Replies (47) Good night (4734) Bad night (1112)
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(314): View more from Missouri

We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world

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(314): We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world http://tfl.nu/8d4g

Replies (24) Good night (941) Bad night (5314)
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(208): View more from Idaho

this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"

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(208): this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin" http://tfl.nu/odvv

Replies (16) Good night (7935) Bad night (1167)
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(516): View more from New York

Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.

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(516): Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand. http://tfl.nu/xjsp

Replies (7) Good night (1011) Bad night (3801)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.

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(781): Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night. http://tfl.nu/qv6r

Replies (6) Good night (824) Bad night (4378)
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(254): View more from Texas

There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.

(512): View more from Texas

That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.

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(254): There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option. (512): That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too. http://tfl.nu/lz3p

Replies (9) Good night (3025) Bad night (1308)
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(302): View more from Delaware

How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?

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(302): How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel? http://tfl.nu/4qia

Replies (11) Good night (709) Bad night (1463)
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(818): View more from California

Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.

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(818): Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors. http://tfl.nu/xlbe

Replies (4) Good night (1112) Bad night (461)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels

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(412): Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels http://tfl.nu/7a7h

Replies (1) Good night (1132) Bad night (478)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life

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(402): Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room (1-402): I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life http://tfl.nu/wz9a

Replies (7) Good night (764) Bad night (364)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?

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(780): Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office? http://tfl.nu/0lyw

Replies (6) Good night (426) Bad night (692)
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(574): View more from Indiana

I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??

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(574): I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat?? http://tfl.nu/1o4f

Replies (9) Good night (1398) Bad night (456)
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(407): View more from Florida

If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store

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(407): If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store http://tfl.nu/imig

Replies (7) Good night (1756) Bad night (409)
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(574): View more from Indiana

When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE

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(574): When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE http://tfl.nu/ak6a

Replies (5) Good night (1023) Bad night (322)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is

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(780): I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is http://tfl.nu/n0jt

Replies (6) Good night (378) Bad night (790)

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