Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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