ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
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Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.