I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants