Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
