I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
