If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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