i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
