how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
