It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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