someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
