I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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