Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
