Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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