Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
