Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This girl is more easily done than said...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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