I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
