ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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