Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ketchup is God's man juice
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
