Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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