Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
