I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He is an equal opportunity slut.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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