You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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