Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
