Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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