i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
