thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
