just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
