i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
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