I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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