What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
