I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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